My Purpose in Life

Lately I have been filled with unbelievable love. Through this disease, I have lost many friends; however, though I have lost many people whom I thought were "friends", I have also gained many that I didn't know were friends. I have met some of the most amazing and courageous people. Some I have never persoanlly met, and we only know each other through the chats and postings on FB. Yet, these people have become to be just as important as my personal friends. I am truly blessed. At this difficult time, they have each reached out and made sure I knew how important I was and how blessed I was to have them in my life.

Gorwing up, my desired future occupation often changed; however, the one thing that never changed was my life goal. My one true life goal was to leave this world a better place than when I came into it. I wanted to have a positive influence on people. While I always imagined that I'd do this by doing something significant such as writing a book, discovering the cure for cancer through my own research, or becoming a motivational speaker, something that truly told my story, inner perseverance, and strength.
No one imagines that they will die before they even get to live. But for me, that is the case. I have not yet gotten to do any of the things I had imagined. Yet, I see all those affeted by my impending death and am shocked that I have had such a profound affect on so many. It amazes me. I pray that some day my complete story, through journal entries and other things, will be told. In some ways, this makes things more difficult because I realize the effect that I have had on others, the lives I have touched, and what it will mean when I am no longer here.

Jess went to Elms the other day to inform some of the faculty and staff of what was going on and that I was dying. It has been avazing, the responses I have received. but then I knew I had an impact on Elms. It saddens me greatly that while others in my graduation class are getting jobs, getting married, having children, ect., but I am doing none of these activites. I am dying. I have to leave this world before I really get a chance to make my mark. Yet I know that in my own way, I have left my mark, and that I won't be forgotten. The love that has come through from professors and other members of the Elms community as they reach out to share their love and support is amazing. Perhaps if I hadn't been who I was, and so instrumental in the community, my death would not be such a loss. But while it hurts others, in some ways, I am happy because it means I was important. Elms was my first true home. It was a place where I was valued for being me - Melissa Hauser. It was where I achieved my goal of going to college and becoming somebody, rather that the statistic that was expected of me. I did break through the system. I did succeed, and I didn't just survive. I thrived. I made and left my mark. It was at Elms that I became a person, a person I was proud of. Someone who was looked up to by others - a leader and a mentor. I was a role model in the classroom, and in the community as a whole. This is expressed through the numerous emails and well wishes that were expressed to me over the news they had received about my illness. There was a time in my life that I hated myself. I felt worth less than a peice of scum. Today, I am prouod at what I have achieved. I have risen above all that. Yet, it was all that, that made me who I am today. One of the hard things is the shock that some experience at this news. Throughout the time that they have known me, they have known me as a fighter, someone who has alrady overcome such odds, and in their eyes, this is just another road block. It is hard for them to realize that there are things tha cannot be overcome.