When I was first diagnosed with my immune disorder, I quickly learned who my true friends were. I was in the hospital frequently. Times that I wasn't in the hospital, I didn't feel well - I was too tired or too sick. I'd make plans to do something or to go out, and I would end up having to cancel because either I'd be sick or wouldn't feel well enough to go. Often people didn't understand this. They wanted to go out and just have fun, or be able to do things spur of the moment. I learned that though people called themselves your "friend" this was in name only. They didn't visit me in the hospital when I got sick. When things were good, they were the first ones to be there for the fun, but when things go tough, they were the first to high tail it out of there as soon as they could. They did not understand my disease, and everything was about them. I also learned that some people are incredibly shallow. They didn't want to be friends with a person who is sick. Though it is a hard lesson to learn who your true friends are and it hurts to discover that several people who you thought were your friends aren't, it is great to discover those that are true friends. These are the people that support you no matter what. They got your back. They do visit you in the hospital. They may even wait with you in the ER. If they can't, they still call to see how you are doing. You know they care.
When I got the trach, my group of "friends" got even smaller. The thing that hurts is that should the situation be reversed, I'd be there for them, and I have. I don't expect for people to visit, though it is nice when they do so. Being sick and in the hospital is no fun. You feel lousy, you're subjected to painful and often invasive medical procedures, you're bored and depressed at not being able to participate in your usual every day life. Times when being sick means you miss one thing or another, you then also feel guilty for having to miss that engagement. You feel as if you have let people down. I have missed many holidays, birthdays, even one of my friend's wedding. There is the disappointment you feel at having to have missed it because you were looking forward to it, but also you feel as if you, yourself, are a disappointment, because once again, you let your friend down. So, I understand people not being able to visit, but it is nice to receive a phone call, text message, or email just saying "hi" and letting you know that they are thinking about you.
It's hard. I have one friend who I was best friends with. She went through some difficult times and I was there. I went through some difficult times and she was there. We met in college. When I graduated and had to move back home, things changed. As long as I was willing to drive an hour and a half to see her, then we were cool. But as I got sicker, I wasn't able to do that. She didn't drive down to see me, nor did we meet part way. It was inconvenient to her. Our relationship grew further apart as my illness prevented me from being able to engage in strenuous activity. Soon I became ashamed of myself and my limitations as well as the physical changes my disease had caused my body. When she'd have a hard time, she would call and I'd stop what I was doing to be there for her in any way that was possible.
One of my other "friends" I discovered was really very self-centered. My illness is not "convenient" to her, too which I am sorry. My disease is not very convenient to me either. She has not called or made an effort to visit. There are times she says that she will visit, but it is a bunch of broken promises. Yet, she asks, "We're still best friends, right?" No, I am sorry, we are not. I am too tired, too weak, and too sick to pacify other people's needs. I don't have the energy to do things just to make them feel better about themselves.
And yet, I feel blessed. Through this illness, though I have lost many "friends" I have gained many true friends. People who I have never physically met, only know them through FaceBook, have become a huge support to me. They genuinely care. They are worried about me and my well-being. Though they may not be able to visit, they message me to ask how I am doing. They send cards and well-wishes. They pray for me and my health. They encourage me and my progress. They show concern and worry if they don't hear from me. They are my support. Sometimes I wonder what it means that people who have never physically met you can be more supportive and care more than the people that are physically close to you. Some may think it is sad that we reach out to those that are in essence strangers, and don't provide for those close to us. Others may say that it is amazing that we are able to share our love, support, and friendship with people all over the world. I know that the people who I personally know and are close to geographically would not act any different if things such as FaceBook didn't exist. They would not be more supportive. Instead I would feel alone and isolated. In my opinion, things like FaceBook, open doors and allow for relationships to others that otherwise wouldn't exist. We all need to feel loved and supported, to feel that we are cared about, and that we mean something and are valuable to others. I think that it is awesome that technology today allows people globally to be brought together.
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| L-R (Me, Mebsie, Ducky) 2 wonderful friends I met on FB |
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