Rehab - Here I go

Finally got the news I have been desperately waiting for. I am going to Mount Sinai. They just came in and said that I will be going tonight. I am excited. Finally I will start the next phase in which I get stronger to be able to go home and return to my usual activities. As happy as I am to finally be going to rehab, it is also quite scary. RGH has almost become my home. I know the staff. I have a set routine. It is familiar. I have never been to rehab before. I don't even know what it will be like, what I will do. It's all very overwhelming. There isn't time to process it. The case manager came to say I would be going at lunch time. I left RGH for Mount Sinai at 7:00 PM. I pray that this will be good for me and with the help of rehab I will get stronger and able to return to my life.

The wheelchair van showed up at 7:00 PM to take me to Mount Sinai. I had the belongings I would need. Mom had packed clothes and things I may need while there. As I entered the van and waved to the nurses and aids, I mourned the loss of them, but realized it is not the last time I will see them. Logically I know that at some point in the future, I will get an infection or something and need the hospital. I know that I will form relationships with the new nurses. Yet, I am overwhelmed  by fear. Fear of leaving. Fear of change. I have a ball of fear sitting in my stomach.

As we drive over, I contemplate all the changes in my life. How many institutions have I gone to in this exact way? I remember the first time in which I was sent to Elmcrest. I had the same ball of anxiety and fear in my stomach, wanting to run and hide. I remember the door slamming shut and knowing that this was it.When we got here, we are directed to North 4. The unit is locked. They have to call and someone on the unit will allow them to come through the doors. A key card or combination code is required to get in or out. I freaked out a little bit. What have I gotten myself into? A locked unit? No one told me about this. This was not part of the plan. Why would they lock a unit for rehab patients? We can't walk even short distances. We need help going from bed to chair. Certainly no one is in a condition to be leaving the unit. Even though I am absolutely terrified, I am excited too. I am now settled into bed. A nurse came in and did the usual intake. Tomorrow I will meet all my therapists, have evaluations by speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy. I am most nervous about speech therapy. I can say a few words at a time by talking over the trach tube, but this is the limited extent of my ability to speak. I am anxious to begin working and learning how to speak again. I feel very blessed that I have been given the opportunity to come here and get stronger. This is what I fought and advocated for. I am proud of myself for not giving in. One day at a time. Slow and steady wins the race.

Just arrived at Mount Sinai