Angels

Part of palliative care is a reiki program. It is part of the volunteer program. Volunteers give clients in palliative care and hospice reiki to calm them and make their passing more peaceful. Though I had met with Lisa over 2 weeks ago I had not yet heard about seeing a volunteer or receiving reiki. I called on Tuesday, before my surgery, inquiring as to what had happened  to the reiki. In preparation for my surgery. Lisa sent someone out. As Laura walked into my room, she said, “Do you know you are surrounded by angels? You have lots and lots of angels surrounding you and protecting you. Before that moment I had not been aware of their presence. My brain had not yet been tuned into knowing that they were there. But in that moment I could see them, feel them, hear them, knew they were there. Now I wonder how it is that I did not always sense them. How could I possibly not see them. There is Poppy, Great grandma, Great grandpa, whom I’ve never met, Aunt Bren, Grandma Hauser, and a little boy and girl. I do not know the little boy and girl, but they are young children with curly blond hair . The little boys hair with a darker brown tint than the girls. The girl with nearly sheer white hair. Poppy is not old, but a young man. He is slightly older than pictures of him getting married with grandma. I would say in his early 30’s, though in heaven there are no ages. They choose a body for me because I’m still a form. Great grandma and great grandpa are also much younger (similarly in early 30’2) both with full heads of colorful hair. And I feel them surrounding me. Protecting me. I feel their wings against my cheek. Like fatherly light touches – butterfly kisses. I feel the softness and comfort and protection. When I close my eyes I see them waiting for me, patiently waiting for me to be ready and finish what I need to. As I drifted off to sleep during surgery they were all in the OR waiting for me, waiting for me to come and play, to fly with them. Oh what glory. I did not have my wings yet. But to fly through the air and feel the glory, the warmth of the sun as I bask in its sunshine. How I cannot wait to close my eyes. To feel them close to me. Close enough to know they are waiting for me, to welcome me into their arms when I am ready. In the meantime, they walk with me, hand in hand, until I’m ready.

Heaven is for Real

I am not afraid of dying. I know that I am going to heaven and that that is great. I know that in heaven there is a peace like nothing here on Earth. Earth is Earth. It is but a rudimental piece of heaven and God’s kingdom. I will be met with such glory that I have earned. I know that this is my reason, and my task here on Earth is all but finished. We are all souls – some old, some young, some middle-aged. I have often been told I am a very old soul, and I know this to be true. I will not be returning after this trip. My time here is done. My work here finished. And glory awaits me. Some are only beginning. I know that there are others, those that I love dearly, awaiting my return in heaven.

4 years ago, I had a near death experience. I was living in Boston at the time, studying at UMass Boston, living in Quincy. My doctors were all at Brigham and Womens. I had a severe asthma attack and attempted to get across the city to the Brighams where my doctors were. I got in a cab and off I went. I was nearly half way when the cab driver looked in his rearview mirror, glanced up at me, and pulled over to call 911. I was taken to the nearest hospital, and I was intubated upon arrival. I do not know what happened. I had been intubated many times before and never had the reaction I did that day. I found myself floating up into this giant, vast, dark space. I as pitch black. Yet I wasn’t alone. I had left my human body behind in its primitive form. I did not need it. It would only hinder me further. I was but a ball of energy. A dazzling white luminescent ball of energy. As bright and as brilliant as a newborn star. All around me were other energies, souls. Like me they traveled on, racing at the speed of light, faster and faster. Each energy, soul was different, unique. They varied by size, shape, brightness, luminescence. Each very individual and unique. We were all traveling toward this very big orb or ball of energy. It was brilliant. A gazillion times brighter than any one of us. It was all of us put together and then some. As we get closer, we traveled faster and faster. No one “spoke” but we communicated. We shared ideas, thoughts, feelings. It reminds me of the images of the universe being born in planetarium videos.

All of a sudden rather than getting closer, I was getting further and further away from the large orb of energy. It was not my time. I was told over and over. It was not my time. My time here was not yet completed, my work not yet finished. As much as I struggled, I kept bing pushed back further and further. I had felt such peace there. It was true nirvana. I could not understand how I could get so close to something so amazing and wonderful and yet not get there. Oh how I grieved for having to return, but my job was not completed. Before this, I had been utterly terrified of dying. After, I knew that everything would be okay. My biggest worry had been my family and in time I knew they would be okay. That God would take care of it all and I had nothing to worry.